This Creation we live in is so complex and amazing! This past weekend I was drawn to do some doodling. My doodling usually includes the Kabalistic Tree of Life and other geometric shapes. I feel drawn to play with the Tree every once in a while, each time I get a little something more. I still feel I am missing part of what it is trying to say. Doodles attached.
Yesterday I had a little spell. I have been having these “spells” ever since I went through my 3rd eye spinning illness/class of hell. These “spells” are new to me. I see now that the illness I went through brought some kind of block that was hiding out to the surface. It is so important to continually work on yourself because you never know what kind of boogaboo is hanging out messing with my mind, emotions, energy, body and/or life.
These “spells” are like panic attacks. They hit me out of the blue and usually when I am by my self, like at the office. I can’t see where they are coming from and what they are attached to, and they are usually quite strong. I had one last week. It was so strong I felt like I couldn’t breath. I escaped it by leaving my office and getting a sweet little treat to eat. We all use little tools to escape our discomfort, which means we don’t get to resolve them.
Yesterday, I happened to be a little more aware and willing to push through it. So I got a piece of paper and was sitting in the front room writing everything down I could think related to the feeling. “lost…isolated…freaked out…so big I can’t handle it…feel like I am being crushed…etc etc.” As I was writing a blackbird came and looked in my front window. He has been hanging around for about 2 weeks looking in my window and making noise. I watched him for a while and a thought came into my head “look black bird up in the totem book” so I did.
Talk about freaky. You can’t tell me the blackbird and the information attached to it below is purely coincidental. I know I make some pretty far stretches at times, but this I wasn’t stretching on at all. I looked up blackbird and this is part of what it said.
“…..Keynote: Understanding the energies of Mother Nature
Cycle of Power: Summer
The blackbird has long been associated with omens and mysticism. Its color, alone, has evoked both fear and promise….
Another variation of the blackbird is the red-winged blackbird. This bird has a red path on its wings, with a dash of yellow as well. These colors connect this bird to the level know as Binah in the Quabalistic Tree of Life. This is the level associated with the Dark Mother and primal feminine energies. This bird has ties to all of the creative forces of nature. On the Tree of Life, black is the color for Bnah and red is the color for Geburah (Mars type of energy)…..”
I was like “hmmmmmmm!” If I wasn’t just doodling the Tree of Life I might have read over this and not looked further. So I went online to find out a little on Binah. Here is what I got:
Binah, (meaning "Understanding"; בינה), in the Kabbalah of Judaism, is the second intellectual Sephirah on the tree of life…. In an anthropomorphic visualization, it may be alternatively related to the "left eye", "left hemisphere" of "the brain" or the "heart….."
These are all areas my illness hit and what I have been working on!
Binah is "processed wisdom," also known as deductive reasoning. It is davar mitoch davar -- understanding one idea from another idea. While Chockmah is intellect that does not emanate from the rational process (it is either inspired or taught), Binah is the rational process that is innate in the person which works to develop an idea fully.
Binah is associated with the feminine. This feminine association is not just used amongst the modern movements. “For you shall call Understanding a Mother.”….”
“ Occultists have tried to compare the sephirah with the Chakras of Indian mysticism, and one such comparison is in comparing both Binah and Chokmah with the Ajna chakra, which is where both Shiva and Shakti are united…”
The Ajna Chakra is the 3rd eye.
“For its negative opposite on the Tree of Death, it has Sathariel.”
This was new information to me, so I looked it up.
“Sathariel (Hebrew סתריאל) is one of the Qliphoth, corresponding to the Sephirot Binah on the kabbalistic tree of life. It represents the Concealment of God, which hides the face of Mercy. The form of the demons attached to this Qliphah are of black veiled heads with horns, with hideous eyes seen through the veil, followed by evil centaurs.
The Qliphoth are the shadow of the Sephirot, the chaotic force that exists when the Sephirah is unbalanced. Binah is the Sephirah that gives birth to form, the great mother of the cosmos, the eternal womb. Through her, the spiritual energy of Keter and Chokmah are woven into the matrix that eventually becomes matter. But when this force is unbalanced, then the spiritual principle is hidden, matter is taken to be simply matter, and is not understood to be simply condensed energy, which is crudified spirit. Binah, the giver/understanding of form, becomes Sathariel, the concealer of spirit.”
Basically it is saying there are two trees, one of life and one of death. When there is imbalance in an area the Qliphoth (shadow sphere) is active and it over shadows the Sphere on the Tree of Life.
All of this was a message telling me that my 3rd eye is split (what I knew), and that there is some sort of shadow force that has been preventing me from unifying the two halves of my 3rd eye (what I didn’t know), which is preventing it from being completely linked to the heart. WOW!!
I am really glad that I have been pushing this issue, even if I did get sick as a result. So the next time you are ill or going through some sort of stress you might ask yourself “What is this telling me?” and not try to suppress, escape or distract yourself from it.
I have been working on 3 different projects which are tying everything I have studied and come to understand together. It is what I am calling my “Grande Finale” and I do believe it is the purpose of my life and all I have experienced:
1. Awakening to and Transformation of the Matrix - a class
2. You are a Singularity - a class
3. Prodigal Children of the Universe - a book
I have been getting bits and pieces of this for years now. I get a bunch of information written down. It is flowing easily and then it seems to stop. I used to think that it stopped so I could understand it before getting the next part to flow. I know see that it stopped because it was beyond my limited perception.
For me to complete the work I have started and to accomplish what I have been asking for, I have to first or simultaneously go through the deep type of transformation I am writing about in these three subjects. I need to do this so that I can help others go even deeper than what I teach now.
I also see that these 3 things will eventually merge into one work once my vision has completely opened and unified. I guess that is why I have been dragging my feet on teaching those classes. I won’t be teaching the classes now. However, I will keep ya’ll posted (if you want) on what I am writing and experiencing.
What a trip life is. I used to think I saw the bigger picture, but I ain’t seen nothin’ yet. Hopefully my head won’t explode. : )
Love you all!!!
5/2010
By the way I recommend the “Animal Speaks” book to everyone. If you always have squirrels in your back yard it probably doesn’t have a message for you. Animals usually animals don’t have messages unless you have a “beyond the norm” experience with them. Like the blackbird coming to my front door for weeks or a dead possum in your garage. http://www.amazon.com/Animal-Speak-Spiritual-Magical-Powers-Creatures/dp/0875420281